One year later

Michael was my first born! He was my very first true love. He is the one that made me a Mommy, the one that molded me into the parent I am today (with help from the other three boys) I was completely terrified the first week after his accident. Not knowing if he would make it, not knowing how I could possible be the same as a person, or a Mom if he did not pull through this. I thought that week was the hardest of my life. But I may have been wrong...or maybe its just different feelings but equally, if not stronger, emotions.
                  (I am not complaining, I am just stating that this is hard)

This long road that we are on, that I thought I was ready for, it really sucks. Michael is basically a newborn again. He can't hold his head up, he can't control his arms...they move all over, however they want to, he wears a diaper, he can't go anywhere unless he is strapped in to a wheelchair, I have to feed him pedisure through a tube in his tummy. I jump up anytime he makes a noise, his yawns and moans are adorable! When we were in the hospital every new thing that he did was great and encouraging. His episodes of spasticity were fewer in between.
                     (  What are the symptoms of spasticity? The symptoms and degree of spasticity are different in each person and can include: • Sudden, involuntary tightening or relaxing of a limb, or jerking of muscles in the trunk (chest, back, and abdomen). • Hyperactive (overactive) reflexes, such as a muscle spasm when the arm or leg is lightly touched. • Stiff or tight muscles at rest, so that it is difficult to relax or stretch. This is more pronounced than normal muscle tightness when a person sits for a long period of time. In spasticity, the tightness is so high that it is difficult to stand or walk. • Muscle tightness during activity, making it difficult to control movement  )

But now that we are here it is non stop. His body stiffens up all the time. It is so hard for him to relax. This is such a hard thing to watch your son go through. I have to watch him be uncomfortable, where as before I could change his diaper or re position him and he would relax, now he does not.
Because of this stiffness that he is doing they are going to be putting casts on his feet to straighten out his ankles correctly, they will be splinting his hands to keep them open and possibly cast his arm to get it straight. (the left arm that had the splint he is having issues straightening it out, even in therapy)
                   If anyone knows Michael you will know how excited he will be when he finds out he had 3 casts. Too bad no one is close enough to come sign them! <3 Ill just sign peoples names for him! ! !

I try to post pictures that show his progress, because a part of me doesn't want you all to see the uneasy sights that I see, but I am going to share some of them tonight. And hopefully in a few weeks I will be able to post new pictures so we can see how far he has come. I did find that when he tenses up, if I talk to him or read to him he calms down a LITTLE bit but is still stiff.

Sweaty face (not sure if you can see it)

So Michael is doing a 2 week program. If he does not show any improvements then he will be going home at the end of the two weeks and we will do outpatient therapy. WE DO NOT WANT TO DO THIS! PRAY FOR PROGRESS!!!!!!!  If this were to happen then once he starts improving enough to try rehab again then we would be able to come back. We are only on day 2, so we still have some time. The therapy teams are really helping and have taught me things that I can do when they are not with me to try to stimulate him more. PRAY PRAY PRAY

Thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers! They are much needed and much appreciated.

I had a God moment the other day. The TV was on a preacher channel (it was a Sunday) and I went to change it and the guy seriously said "Do not turn this off of channel 2, if you put it on channel 3 you will not hear what you need to hear, (I'm not even kidding) So I was kind of not really listening when Joyce Meyers came on, she reminds me of my mom a lot, because she loved her. But I was so focused on the fact that her face looks so much different then the last time I saw her (which was a very long time ago) So I started googling her face...haha...looks like a plastic surgery mishap...but that's not important. What is important is what she said............Rewind to my feelings.....Everyone tells me to trust God, I hear awesome success stories, and I KNOW that God can perform miracles, but I also know that it wouldn't happen to me and my situation.......fast forward to Joyce Meyers, She is talking about trusting God, I am not really paying attention because I trust God. But then she said "But that's not what we are going to talk about, we are going to be talking about trusting God for you"  She basically talked about how you not only have to trust God but you have to trust that he will do things for you just like he does for other people.  You can say that you trust God will help your friend, or whatever. But you have to start knowing and trusting that God will help you too.....there was more but I really needed to hear that. I know that bad things happen to good people, I know that a lot of things are prayed for that don't turn out the way we want them to, so we think God was not answering our prayers. Sometimes we don't understand what God allows to happen, or what God doesn't stop from happening. But I am going to trust that God is going to get us though this. I don't know what that means. But I do think he is giving me a miracle.


And a funny note to leave you with.....check this out that a friend from class made Michael...the L is pretty good :-)