One year later

I have never been one of those people that assumes life will always be grand.

I have had many rough patches in my life and have had to adapt and overcome many obstacles, as many of us have. I have never been one to think "that could never happen to me", while I never imagined THIS would happen. We have had to alter our entire lives to hit this struggle head on. People mention a lot that they don't understand how we function, how we can be so graceful in the midst of this everlasting tragedy...

I have said this many times before and I know I will say many times more...We could not do this without all the support that we get from you! 

Seriously! 

Every time we get to where we think we are getting the hang of this new life something else knocks us down. It can be anything from seeing an old photo

or seeing something he wrote........or shoot even finding something that I wrote him. Something always catches me off guard and knocks me down. I was cleaning out the garage today and I found a box of his from the spring before his accident. I found a letter that I wrote him before his FSA testing

....and then I found his wish from 4th grade,,,,if only he knew how it has come true...

We just got home, last week, from Michaels 6th surgery in 2 years.

It wasn't the scariest surgery he has had, but it was a pretty major one. He ended up having to have his entire spine fused together with 2 rods.

He bled too much and ended up having to have two separate blood transfusions.  He didn't start his recovery how they planned and ended up being on a ventilator a bit longer than they expected.

His little body has been through so much in the past two years, far more than any 12 year should go through. As many of you know we lost our nursing one week before his surgery, which means that I am having to take off weeks at a time with my brand new job. Nothing is going as planned right now.

We have so much to be thankful for...sadly it isn't the fact that we still have Michael, because, to go against what many people think, it is not easier to watch him have to live this way. He can't walk, he can't talk, he can't scratch an itch, he can't change the channel to watch what he wants, he can't play with his brothers, he can't take a drink of water to quench his thirst or relieve his dry mouth, he can't go to the bathroom on his own much less tell me that he needs his diaper changed.....this is nothing to be thankful for.....Once he recovers more and he can enjoy and live his life to the fullest then I will be more thankful....and that is my belief and my hope.

 But right now I am thankful for you all. I am thankful for the strangers that push their way into our lives to become friends, to become support. I am thankful for the family that actually stuck around and bends over backwards to try and make even the simple things a little easier for us, that includes you Robin <3, I am thankful for the people who send texts and messages every so often just to check on us, I am thankful for my church family that has surrounded us with prayers and love, I am thankful for my new work family who has stepped up without hesitating to support us and let us know that we belong to them and they are here for us. I am thankful for the sweet couple that still brings us dinner every Tuesday night, I am thankful for the Non-Profit group CARS for all of the fundraising they have done for Michael this year, I am thankful for everyone who showed up and participated in those events. I am thankful for everyone who had bought something from Michaels amazon list, I am thankful for everyone who made sure that we had a great Thanksgiving this year and also all the people that offered to help. I am thankful for everyone who has watched our kids in the past 2 years either so we could get some alone time or so we could be at the hospital for Michael. I am thankful for all the people in the past two years that have made sure my kids got to and from school when I wasn't able to do it. I am thankful for all of the boys teachers, Titus and Adler have had so much support at school while our family adjusts to this new life style and every single person that works at Michaels school, you guys have all been a God send. I am thankful for all the people who have donated money towards Michaels eye gaze device last year and supporting us in trying to get a wheelchair van this year (there will be more fundraisers for this...don't you worry)  We have so so much to be thankful for! It isn't just because it is thanksgiving break but it is because we were reminded the past two weeks of how amazing everyone is! We were reminded of how blessed we are and have been. 

There is no way that we could be this strong without you ALL. 

On a lighter but equally important note, I am so thankful for everyone who makes sure that, even though there is so much Michael can't do, you make sure to say hi to him, knowing that he can not respond. You make sure that he feels loved. You make sure that he knows that he is important. You make sure to show him that his wants and desires are still important. It is silly I know but his love for deadpool has blown up. I honestly feel like anyone who knows of Michael cant see anything deadpool without thinking of HIM. We get letters in the mail of drawings of deadpool, he gets deadpool stuff crammed in his backpack, we get packages with deadpool stuff, we get home visits with deadpool gifts. I nearly have an entire wall dedicated to drawings of deadpool from so many different people. Deadpool makes him happy and I am confident that when he is in his room he is happy...all he has to do is look around <3 (and he has so much more than what is pictured)

I am thankful of the strength that God has given Titus and Adler. They were both very close to Michael before the accident. I was so worried about how they would feel when we brought him home from rehab two years ago. I didn't know what they thought or how they felt.

I warned Titus that when Michael came home that he wouldn't be the same, it would take him time to get back to himself. That boys faith has NEVER wavered. Even when I get down and I get sad he lets me know that Michael WILL come back to us. He thinks about him all the time, he thinks about what must be going through his mind, he wishes more than anything that he could switch bodies with Michael for a day...not only so Michael could play again but also so while he was in Michaels body he could stretch out his muscles so when Michael got back into his own body he would be able to use his muscles again.

Adler was so young when this happened but it doesn't take away the fact that he understands everything but in a different way. He still refers to Michael as if he is dead. He talks about the past like "remember when Michael was still alive....." It truly breaks my heart. When we put our Christmas tree up last year he was hanging an ornament that Michael made with his picture and Adler said...in the saddest voice 'oh Michael, I wish you were still alive..." He prays nearly every night that Michael can eat, talk and play like a normal human again"

While they both struggle in their own ways the heartbreak of what has happened.....they include Michael in EVERYTHING. They go out of their way to make him smile, they go out of their way to talk to him. He just has to be going through their minds as much as he goes through my mind.

Then you have my Husband. Tim is not Michaels bio Dad. He is Michaels Step Dad. But you would never know. Im sure some of you didn't know. He has stepped up when he didn't have to. When a lot of people would have backed away. It is hard enough to be in a blended family but when you add all the struggles that come with severe traumatic brain injury....it shows how awesome of a man he is....a husband he is....a Dad he is....He makes it to where I can stay with Michael non stop when he is in the hospital. He takes up all the household family responsibilities so I can be there for Michael. He has sacrificed so much so that we can be where we are. He does a lot of the heavy lifting when he is home, he works hard so that I don't HAVE to work...even though I chose to start work this year. He has stepped up and helped out even more since I started working full time. He has been my rock from day one of this horrible event in our lives. He had loved me and my kids every step of the way....without hesitation or wavering. He has given me unbelievable support.

So while I may not be thankful for what you think I should be, I am thankful for so much more.

There honestly is not one ounce of my life that I am not incredibly thankful for. Even if it is people who are not in our lives anymore, that doesn't mean I am not thankful for what you have done for us, or what you have taught us. There is thankfulness to go around to everyone....even the people who haven't made it into our lives YET. <3 

Happy thanksgiving.