One year later

Loss is a terrible thing. Its a feeling that completely stuns you. It turns your world upside down. It truly doesn't matter what the loss is. For each person, loss can be very different. I have a really good friend that just lost her Husband. This was a sudden loss for her and her family. It wasn't something that they were able to see coming. It was something that completely stopped them in their tracks. It is shaking their world so very hard. It made me re realize that loss....tragedy...pain....is not picky about who it touches. Her husband was not sick, he was not being careless, it just happened. I feel so sad for them. A husband has been taken, a father, a grandfather, a brother and a friend. Just like that. Now every part of their life will be effected. I just really want to express to everyone to not take each other for granted. Take nothing for granted actually, because loss can come in all sorts of ways. a job, an opportunity, a relationship, health, a loved one. Love each other. Love life. 

My loss is obviously with Michael. I am lucky to still have him. Beyond lucky....actually...I am blessed. But being blessed in this way is still so hard and challenging. right when this happened I felt like I needed to let go of the old Michael in order to focus on getting the new Michael better. They are different people. Even now when I think back of Michael before, to me he will always just be a memory. When I watch a video I can't imagine that the kid I am watching is the same kid that I am taking care of. It is my loss. I do miss him terribly. I miss his laugh, I miss his smile, I miss him talking, I miss him wearing his dorky little bracelets, I miss him wearing stupid camouflage. I miss everything about him. Looking at his pictures I can still hear him and even feel him if I close my eyes. Its weird I know.

Now everything is different. Every part of our life is different. But today, today I got a glimpse of the old Michael. He was laying on his back, like this.

I wrapped my arms underneath him to give him a hug. I said "okay Michael, you have to squeeze me to hug me" And he totally moved his arm up and wrapped it around my neck and squeezed with his whole body! I did it like 4 times to make sure it was indeed a hug and not just a stretch or something. So I got 4 hugs from him today. That was him making a purposeful gesture with his body to show me, his Mom, affection! I was so happy. I am so happy. It was just what I needed.

So even though I am still very sad about how our life is right now, everyday he shows me something encouraging! Something to lift my spirits. Go figure that I would need HIM of all people to make ME feel better. I love this kid so much! I seriously couldnt be any prouder of this kid. I couldn't love him any more than I do right now....until tomorrow <3

Here is a quick video of his latest step towards recovery! (I know if you have me on facebook you have already seen this)