When something bad happens to someone, everyone tries to comfort them by saying things like "everything happens for a reason"....But does everything really happen for a reason? Does something good always come out of something bad?
When you are the one deep in pain, and deeper in sorrow....not only is that something you don't want to hear....but if its true....its impossible to understand.
Of course you would hope that this horrific life experience is not all for nothing. You'd love for your pain to be a bigger gain...in the midst of a bigger plan. But is it? Will it? How will you know? I know so many people that have gone through things in their lifetime that seems so unbearable to me. Things that I am sure would break me. And I look at what they go through or have gone through and wonder...why did that need to happen? Why do they need to go through that? I just don't understand. Will something amazing come from their struggle? The sad thing is.....even if something good comes from every bad thing....you may never see it. It may be something good and life changing for someone else...because of your life altering event. Should we still be grateful? Its really hard to say!
I can only speak for me...and my struggle. I can't even speak for the rest of my family. But I pray that something amazing comes from this. I pray that Michael is the center of that something good. I pray that he will be able to see this "good thing" that came from his life changing so dramatically and painfully. I pray more than ever that he will take this experience and be a better person. That he can overcome the obstacles that will be placed in front of him and then he can use those stumbling blocks as steps to go some where greater!
I joined a few traumatic brain injury support groups and let me tell you, they are inspiring and yet heartbreaking at the same time. If you ever feel yourself not knowing who and what to pray for, I encourage you to pray for families who are effected by brain injury. Brain injury can happen so many different ways, and it can happen to anyone. Young, old....right in the middle. Healthy, not healthy. It can be the persons fault or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is their family saw them for a last time, as the person they were. I remember my last 5 minutes with Michael before his accident. I am haunted by videos and pictures....even memories of him before his accident. I sit and cry when I think about his plans, his personality, his laugh. These other families have those last moments too. They are now the caregivers of their loved ones. I am personally exhausted, but then I read about what other people are going through. I hear their broken souls just cry out for rest....for peace...to catch a break. I hear the struggles that they are going through now that their loved ones are moving along in the stages of recovery. You want your loved one to get to the next step in recovery because it means that they are getting better, they are being able to live some what of a normal life....but then there are issues that are heartbreaking. Anger in a huge struggle with brain injury survivors. They don't mean it, they can't help it but even knowing that I can imagine how hard it is to be on the other end of that anger...and have to be understanding to where they are at in their recovery. And then hope and pray that they don't get "stuck" in that stage. I look at them and think to myself ..."man, I would give anything to be at the anger stage because that is far from where he is now" But at the same time I am terrified for that stage. I know its going to hurt and its going to be difficult on our family. But I also know that he can get through it. Brain injury is a silent illness, its heart breaking. Pray for those families that deal with it. Whether they be the survivor, the caregiver or the rest of the family.
I was chatting with 2 different moms, they both have older teenage daughters that were in car accidents. As they are telling me their story my heart breaks for them. Can you imagine getting that phone call? You just spoke to your daughter, or just saw them....and then you get that call....I think to myself, "that must have been the worst day of your life" .....I had forgotten that I...I have had that worst day. I remember everything about that day, I replay it all the time. I drive through where Michael got hit almost everyday. I always look at my speedometer when I get to the "spot" and think, my god, how did he survive getting hit at this speed? I think that God saved him for a reason. He should have died. The homicide unit took over the investigation because they were pretty sure he wasn't going to make it. DCF opened a case, she told us when she was closing the case that the whole reason they even opened it was because they were sure he wasn't going to make it, and if they had a case open we would have certain resources available to us to deal with his passing. But yet...here he is. Trying so freaking hard to get better. Its just still so hard to see what the purpose of this is. And if you are one of the people who think that there doesn't have to be a reason something bad happened....you might be right! But that doesn't mean we can't create a reason. That doesn't mean that we have to just live life this way and that be that. We can figure out something to come out of this. Even if its just bringing awareness to TBI or ABI. Or if it is finding a way to help families in this same situation of insurance not being super helpful. There is something we can do. It might not be right at this moment...but its coming!
Im not super "churchy" or religious. I believe in God. I believe He lived and died for us. I believe that even when bad things happen He is there to help and comfort. I am working on my relationship with God and my church. In doing this I am really learning what it means to hear from God but have to wait and be patient. I am learning that I have to "live loved" not live to be loved. I am learning to "wait well". You guys may think I am crazy, but I do believe that God is going to heal Michael and use him in some way. But for now I think I am suppose to wait....and wait well.
To wait means
I get encouraged daily. Michael is so flipping strong. He is trying so hard. I hate that I can't tell what he is thinking or how he is feeling. But I can tell that he listens and he is trying. He makes me so proud, I just pray that I am doing him good and I am helping him heal and not stopping him from growing. Everytime I think that he does something new. <3
We are also still be blessed beyond measures. We get stuff donated to us, things are bought for us and prayers are sent out for us! Everything helps so much. We were donated a stander! If you have been following Michaels journey then you know how important a stander is. Now we can work on weight-bearing at home! This is going to help him so much! Thank you Thank you Thank you! (I know in the picture the straps need a little adjusting)
here are a few more pictures from the past couple of days. We let him pretend to play video games. Once he learns how to move the joy sticks I will let him "play"
When you are the one deep in pain, and deeper in sorrow....not only is that something you don't want to hear....but if its true....its impossible to understand.
Of course you would hope that this horrific life experience is not all for nothing. You'd love for your pain to be a bigger gain...in the midst of a bigger plan. But is it? Will it? How will you know? I know so many people that have gone through things in their lifetime that seems so unbearable to me. Things that I am sure would break me. And I look at what they go through or have gone through and wonder...why did that need to happen? Why do they need to go through that? I just don't understand. Will something amazing come from their struggle? The sad thing is.....even if something good comes from every bad thing....you may never see it. It may be something good and life changing for someone else...because of your life altering event. Should we still be grateful? Its really hard to say!
I can only speak for me...and my struggle. I can't even speak for the rest of my family. But I pray that something amazing comes from this. I pray that Michael is the center of that something good. I pray that he will be able to see this "good thing" that came from his life changing so dramatically and painfully. I pray more than ever that he will take this experience and be a better person. That he can overcome the obstacles that will be placed in front of him and then he can use those stumbling blocks as steps to go some where greater!
I joined a few traumatic brain injury support groups and let me tell you, they are inspiring and yet heartbreaking at the same time. If you ever feel yourself not knowing who and what to pray for, I encourage you to pray for families who are effected by brain injury. Brain injury can happen so many different ways, and it can happen to anyone. Young, old....right in the middle. Healthy, not healthy. It can be the persons fault or not. It doesn't matter. What matters is their family saw them for a last time, as the person they were. I remember my last 5 minutes with Michael before his accident. I am haunted by videos and pictures....even memories of him before his accident. I sit and cry when I think about his plans, his personality, his laugh. These other families have those last moments too. They are now the caregivers of their loved ones. I am personally exhausted, but then I read about what other people are going through. I hear their broken souls just cry out for rest....for peace...to catch a break. I hear the struggles that they are going through now that their loved ones are moving along in the stages of recovery. You want your loved one to get to the next step in recovery because it means that they are getting better, they are being able to live some what of a normal life....but then there are issues that are heartbreaking. Anger in a huge struggle with brain injury survivors. They don't mean it, they can't help it but even knowing that I can imagine how hard it is to be on the other end of that anger...and have to be understanding to where they are at in their recovery. And then hope and pray that they don't get "stuck" in that stage. I look at them and think to myself ..."man, I would give anything to be at the anger stage because that is far from where he is now" But at the same time I am terrified for that stage. I know its going to hurt and its going to be difficult on our family. But I also know that he can get through it. Brain injury is a silent illness, its heart breaking. Pray for those families that deal with it. Whether they be the survivor, the caregiver or the rest of the family.
I was chatting with 2 different moms, they both have older teenage daughters that were in car accidents. As they are telling me their story my heart breaks for them. Can you imagine getting that phone call? You just spoke to your daughter, or just saw them....and then you get that call....I think to myself, "that must have been the worst day of your life" .....I had forgotten that I...I have had that worst day. I remember everything about that day, I replay it all the time. I drive through where Michael got hit almost everyday. I always look at my speedometer when I get to the "spot" and think, my god, how did he survive getting hit at this speed? I think that God saved him for a reason. He should have died. The homicide unit took over the investigation because they were pretty sure he wasn't going to make it. DCF opened a case, she told us when she was closing the case that the whole reason they even opened it was because they were sure he wasn't going to make it, and if they had a case open we would have certain resources available to us to deal with his passing. But yet...here he is. Trying so freaking hard to get better. Its just still so hard to see what the purpose of this is. And if you are one of the people who think that there doesn't have to be a reason something bad happened....you might be right! But that doesn't mean we can't create a reason. That doesn't mean that we have to just live life this way and that be that. We can figure out something to come out of this. Even if its just bringing awareness to TBI or ABI. Or if it is finding a way to help families in this same situation of insurance not being super helpful. There is something we can do. It might not be right at this moment...but its coming!
Im not super "churchy" or religious. I believe in God. I believe He lived and died for us. I believe that even when bad things happen He is there to help and comfort. I am working on my relationship with God and my church. In doing this I am really learning what it means to hear from God but have to wait and be patient. I am learning that I have to "live loved" not live to be loved. I am learning to "wait well". You guys may think I am crazy, but I do believe that God is going to heal Michael and use him in some way. But for now I think I am suppose to wait....and wait well.
To wait means
1.
to remain inactive or in a state of repose, as until something expectedhappens (often followed by for, till, or until):
2.
(of things) to be available or in readiness:
3.
to remain neglected for a time:
4.
to postpone or delay something or to be postponed or delayed:
5.
So I am trying to...be still and ready without being upset. I need to be ready and have perseverance. It is hard and sometimes I get in a weak spot because I don't think I am strong enough to wait well.
to look forward to eagerly:
When you hear me say I am learning to wait AND be patient, it kind of sounds like the same thing. But it is not! Not to me. I am waiting for God to do what I know He is going to do. But it isn't for me to say when it will happen. It is for God to know His perfect timing. So....I wait. Now the "waiting well" is where patience comes in.
To have patience means
1.
the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation,annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper,irritation, or the like.
2.
an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance whenconfronted with delay:
3.
quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence:
I get encouraged daily. Michael is so flipping strong. He is trying so hard. I hate that I can't tell what he is thinking or how he is feeling. But I can tell that he listens and he is trying. He makes me so proud, I just pray that I am doing him good and I am helping him heal and not stopping him from growing. Everytime I think that he does something new. <3
We are also still be blessed beyond measures. We get stuff donated to us, things are bought for us and prayers are sent out for us! Everything helps so much. We were donated a stander! If you have been following Michaels journey then you know how important a stander is. Now we can work on weight-bearing at home! This is going to help him so much! Thank you Thank you Thank you! (I know in the picture the straps need a little adjusting)
here are a few more pictures from the past couple of days. We let him pretend to play video games. Once he learns how to move the joy sticks I will let him "play"
And for those of you who are not on my facebook. Here is a video I made of his journey. Make sure the sound is on. The very few first seconds you can hear his voice from before. And don't be confused at the end I added old pictures and videos. He has not done a full recovery yet! But one day....one day he will!
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