One year later

As we end 2017 we all have so much to look back on. Im not sure why one day makes people think so much about who they are as people and what they should change. But really, you shouldn't need to wait until the new year to have a new you or a new life. But it is the way society is.....we all take the last day of the year to look back at our lives. When I look at 2017, obviously the first thing that comes to mind is what heartbreaking and horrible emotions it has brought our family. This is a great illustration of how my life has changed....about how his life has changed. But when you think a little deeper you have to think about the grace that God has given us. The miracle that has been given to us. Michael shouldn't have made it through his accident. God let me keep him! I don't know why, I don't know what it means for us. I do pray that God will use this as a testimony to others that he is still in the business of healing. I do have faith that Michael will come back to us......And then, when I take an even deeper look, 2017 is full of memories I will hold so close, We went on a mini vacation to GA 2 weeks before Mikes accident (the top picture is 2 weeks pre accident). This was some time we got together that I wont forget, Hurricane Irma left us a week without power, which sucked but at the same time gave us more time together. We had many beach trips, we got our very first family photos taken, which I will cherish FOREVER, and I am so grateful that I didn't wait any longer.   I have so much to be thankful for in 2017. For 2018 all I can ask for is progress. There is no way to tell what the new year will have for our family. But I am ready.

Today we had our first time at church since the accident. I can't say we were faithful church goers before the accident, but we tried. I knew going in today would be hard. Luckily I didn't know a bunch of people so not too many people knew what we were going through. I know that they could see Michael and his condition, his scars.....but still I knew we wouldn't get too much attention and then maybe I could control my emotions. But then worship started. They talked and sung about when life seems impossible, and life is unfair, God is there. He has always been there and will always be there, The impossible to us is possible with him. I know he can heal Michael. But sometimes I forget, sometimes I get wrapped up in the now and I don't think about trusting God because I am so busy doing it myself.

At the end of the service my good friend Robin had me go down and pray with the pray team. There was a man and a woman praying with us. The man prayer for Michael and our family. He prayed for healing and peace. It was a sweet prayer. I made it through with no tears, but then the lady started praying and she prayed for me, Michaels Mom. I know that people pray for me. But I haven't really heard it yet. She prayed for strength and comfort. She voiced things that I know I feel but I try to cover up. She prayed for things that I thought I was so good at hiding, but.....how could I not feel these things. I feel like I need to be.....tough...not strong. Those are two very different things. I think 100% that I am strong, but I fake being tough. I am scared, terrified. I am angry. I am weak. I am sad.....very very sad. I am so so tired. I miss Michael so much ( I know I say that a lot) But I really really do. We were sitting outside tonight, kids playing with sparklers, had a fire going, listening to fireworks in the distance, all I could think about was how Michael would either be running around with the other kids, being loud and goofy, probably annoying, but Id give anything for that, or he would be trying to snuggle me on the little outdoor couch, trying to play on my phone. Instead, he sat next to me with a blank stare, his head kept falling so I spent a lot of time trying to move him so he could keep his head at a good spot. Couldn't tell if he was too hot, or too cold. Didn't know if he liked being outside or not.

This is so hard. Its hard because you get so busy and so overwhelmed with doing the new daily routine, that you dont have time to think, which is good.....but then when you finally have a little time, so many thoughts go into your head, things you haven't really dealt with. Maybe its a form of denial......I don't know. But it sucks both ways. I don't want to think about what happened to him. I want to take one day at a time. But then I just need some things to slow down just a little bit. I look at him and sometimes I think if he doesn't hurry up and come back then I am going to lose the little bit of Michael that I still have in my head. Because the new Michael is taking over the old Michael, and I miss the old Michael but have to focus so much on the new Michael...AUGH.

Then to hear every day "Mom, I wish Michael didn't get hit by a car" ......... I do too buddy, more than anything in this world.

ANYWAYS.....Enough emotional stuff.....lets give you an update on Michael......if you are my friend on facebook then you already know these things.

Michael started school through the hospital homebound program. So he will have a teacher come out to him 2-3 times a week for about and hour and a half. Even in his condition he can understand what is going on, so she will read to him and talk to him and go over things with him. Then the more he progresses the more he will be able to do. Hopefully he will get to a point where he can go back to regular school and then she will be able to recommend what type of class he will need to be in, whether it be ESE or regular classes.

He was also able to get his skull put back in. We went in right before Christmas and was able to go home on Christmas Eve. He did really good. There is risk for infection and also a risk of him not accepting his own bone. In either case he would have to go back in and have his bone removed and a fake one put in.

We are home, getting back into the swing of things. His swelling has gone down. They said that there is a good chance that once the skull gets put back then he can start responding more. He has started doing a few things differently. For example, he uses his voice box a lot more. He has stopped grinding his teeth and biting his lip. However he does have a little mouth spasm that happens. So I have been massaging his face a little more to help get his face use to using the muscles a little better.

He tracks things with his eyes a whole lot better and has started doing little things when asked, like "close your eyes" and "wiggle your toes" I got him to stick his tongue out yesterday. I want to see it a little more before I send videos back to my Brooks family :-)

He had his first occupational therapy on Friday, they didnt do much other than evaluate him, but he will start going every Tuesday. Pt starts this Friday and then speech will start on the 17th.

We are on the right track finally to getting him better after being out of therapy for a month.


Happy new year everyone! We leave 2017 very thankful and encouraged....even though we have gloomy days sometimes! <3



A special thanks to all of my amazing friends who send me texts, calls, visits, drop by thinking of you gifts, watch the other boys. You guys ROCK! I love you all!